looking for ana

bridging the gap between who i am and who i want to be through anorexia.
i'm blogging to keep track.

this is why i hate breakfast. 

^before breakfast: fat girl                 ^after breakfast: hippopotamus

ugh i feel sick

my dad brought dinner home and i had to eat in front of him and my brothers. i had some cheese almost half a tomato some turkey (im poultrarian now) some bread some grapes a glass and a half of milk. i feel so sick. i want to throw up but they’d hear it. this morning i tried like a healthy thing where i ate like healthy food and whole grain toast for breakfast. it was really small and i felt really good about it, then i took a four mile walk with my dog. i was feeling very healthy (still fat) and at dinner i was in the same sort of mood for dinner but it was too much. way too much. i think my stomach has shrunk. fuck.

i ended up running four miles and eating nothing yesterday. i dunno why, i’m usually really lazy. i think this recovery business i’ve been trying at all summer is finally starting to kick in; even when i don’t eat i have a lot of energy and i feel very happy. reading a book or watching adventure time or tumbling brings be twice as much joy as it would’ve last month. it’s sort of awesome. anyway i think i might be a little skinnier. i ate a strawberry this morning, i think that’s all i want for today.

oh and safety pin stuff is almost totally gone, it usually lasts for about 24 hours and then fades.